Kristin Põder - Life after malnutrition
It has probably been 6 years now since I completely fell out with my own body. Why? I will tell you more precisely soon.
At the age of five, I started beauty and group gymnastics. At first, slowly and calmly, but over the years, that small hobby athlete became a competitive athlete. Training six times a week, whistles and scoldings. Looking back, I wonder how I managed. At one point, as with many teenage girls, nutrition and the question "Am I thin enough?" became very important. Obviously not. There is always room for improvement. I thought I would lose a couple of kilos, probably just because it was fashionable. Some girls had that plan too. Thought and done – the scale became my greatest friend or enemy. At first, I weighed myself about once a day, but as time went on, I found myself staring at those numbers on the scale more and more. This led to a serious addiction. I want to say it was the only addiction I have had to face. Satisfaction, "Yes, I have achieved something again," a pleasant feeling and adrenaline ruled my senses when I found smaller numbers on the scale again. Every 100 grams was a victory. And who wouldn’t want to win? I weighed myself at least three times a day. Absolutely without considering that the body retains water and undigested food also weighs quite a bit. Even a 100-gram higher number on the scale caused me great disappointment and anxiety. Where did this lead? Constant self-flagellation. My schedule with meal times looked more or less like this – Breakfast – often I didn’t eat anything, school – I didn’t even put my nose into the cafeteria, Lunch before 2.5 hours of training – Hello protein pudding and apple – seemed like the only safe choices, training and then home to eat dinner. Of course, I ate as little as possible then too. I vividly remember how one single Kalev "kirju koer" candy was divided over the week, meaning I allowed myself one tiny bite each day.
It is sad, terrible, and horrifying to think about what I did to my body. Probably the only thing I deeply regret in my life.
Where have I reached now?
The only thing that motivated me to heal was the desire to have children. Today, I am the mother of a lovely 10-month-old son :). In the end, no doctor or therapist helped me. Changes only happened when I found a goal for myself and truly understood, damn, this is bad. Gradually, I started becoming human again. I remember the good feeling when I laughed at school and my friend sitting in front of me turned her face towards me and said, "Kristin is back!" Yes, I probably didn’t laugh even once during that terrible time. At that moment, my life was only about the smallest possible number on the scale and an extremely distorted reflection in the mirror, which did not allow me to find any joy in life.
Now, after working on myself for 6 years, I can say that I am in a much better place – I eat regularly and what I crave, I enjoy celebrations because food no longer means a bigger number on the scale for me, but a natural part of life and an experience. Surely there are still ups and downs, but drastically smaller lows than before. I aim to truly say, "Free from eating disorder!"
Why do I share my story?
In today’s world, where social media and beauty ideals guide our thoughts even subconsciously, it is very easy to lose oneself. Please let us take care of ourselves and notice others. Life is so much more than thin legs and waist and prominent shoulder blades. All bodies are different, unique, and beautiful just as they are. Give your body a caress and be gentle with yourself. Say to yourself exactly what you would say to your friend. I hope no dear soul lost motivation to help themselves or others from my shared thoughts. Remember – your worth lies in something other than body weight and appearance.
Me and NICK'S
NICK'S products are my absolute favourites to enjoy as snacks. With a fast pace of life, it is very convenient to always have a couple of bars in the bag and grab them quickly. I prefer NICK'S products over other chocolates because it is important for me to treat my body with the highest quality.
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