Kristin Põder - Life after malnutrition
It's probably been 6 years now since I completely fell out with my body. Why? I'll tell you more precisely right away.
At the age of seven, I started beauty and group gymnastics. At first, slowly and calmly, but over the years, that little hobby athlete became a competitive athlete. Training 6 times a week, whistle and beatings. Looking back, I do wonder how I managed. At one point, as probably with many teenage girls, nutrition and the question "Am I thin enough?" became very important. Obviously not. There's always room for improvement. I thought I'd lose a couple of kilos, probably just because it was fashionable. Some girls had that plan too. Thought, done – the scale became my best friend or my enemy. At first, I weighed myself about once a day, but as time went on, I found myself staring at those numbers on the scale more and more. This developed into a serious addiction. I'd like to say it was the only addiction I've had to face. Satisfaction, "Yes, I've achieved something again," a good feeling and adrenaline ruled my senses whenever I found smaller numbers on the scale. Every 100g was a victory. And who wouldn't want to win? I weighed myself at least 3 times a day. Absolutely not considering that the body retains water and undigested food also weighs quite a bit. Even a 100g higher number on the scale caused me huge disappointment and anxiety. Where did this lead? Constant self-flagellation. My schedule with meal times looked more or less like this – Breakfast – often I didn't eat anything, school – I didn't even stick my nose into the cafeteria, Lunch before 2.5h training – Hello protein pudding and apple – seemed like the only safe choices, training and then home to eat dinner. Of course, I ate as little of that as possible too. I vividly remember how one single Kalev kirju koer candy was divided over a week, meaning I allowed myself one tiny bite each day.
It is sad, terrible, and horrifying to think about what I did to my body. Probably the only thing I deeply regret in my life.
Where have I reached now?
The only thing that motivated me to get healthy was the desire to have children. Today I am the mother of a wonderful 10-month-old son :). In the end, no doctor or therapist helped me. Changes only happened when I found a goal for myself and truly understood, damn, this is bad. Gradually I started becoming a person again. I remember the good feeling when I laughed at school and the friend sitting in front of me turned her face towards me and said “Kristin is back!”. Yes, I probably didn’t laugh even once during that terrible time. At that moment, my life was only about the smallest possible number on the scale and an extremely distorted mirror image that didn’t allow me to find any joy in life.
Now, having worked on myself for 6 years, I can say that I am in a much better place - I eat regularly and whatever I crave, I enjoy celebrations because food no longer means a bigger number on the scale for me, but a natural part of life and an experience. Surely there are still ups and downs, but drastically smaller lows than before. I aim to truly say “Free from eating disorder!”.
Why do I share my story?
In today's world, where social media and beauty ideals subconsciously guide our thoughts, it's very easy to lose yourself. Please let's take care of ourselves and notice others. Life is so much more than skinny legs and waist and prominent shoulder blades. All bodies are different, unique, and beautiful just as they are. Give your body a hug and be gentle with yourself. Say to yourself exactly what you would say to your girlfriend. I hope no dear soul felt discouraged by my shared thoughts but motivated to help themselves or others. Remember - Your worth lies in much more than weight and appearance.
Me and nick`s
Nick`s products are my absolute favorite snacks to enjoy in between meals. With a fast-paced life, it's very convenient to always have a couple of bars in my bag and grab them quickly. I prefer Nick`s products over other chocolates because for me, it's important to treat my body with the highest quality.
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